Home

Previous 20

Oct. 14th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

dream

Hanging out with friends in the basement. I levitate, hopping between a set of posts to the beat of the music. Hunger overcomes us. We head to Safeway for some grinds. Safeway is fucking huge, the size of a football stadium. Cruising through Safeway, I build a rice/squid plate, but pass on the $6 mushroom gravy. God it looked good.

I'm at the checkout counter, and when I go to pay, I'm asked what POD I'm a member of. POD? "No POD, no service" is the reply. I head over to another cashier, same story. The cashier tells me that POD is some kind of training company that deals with public service work. Unless you're active in public service, you don't get your food anymore. Nice.

It also turns out that you can work at Safeway in exchange for POD membership. One friend goes this route and turns into a working drone. On his shirtfront is a button that reads "I make between $7 and $94.55 an hour!" I question him about this, and he answers in umm's and err's interspersed with assorted corporate-speak, his eyes cloudy and unfocused. I move over to the microwaves and get my food cooking. I'm not losing my squid plate over some public service crap. Three minutes later, steaming cephalopod.

I head outside to catch up with the friends, and we spend a bit of time enjoying our food, cracking jokes. We turn around to notice that the entire Safeway is gone. In its place is a lake of purple goo, filled with brain-gray coral. Tongue-like appendages lick out from the coral, as if to taste us. The lake begins to shimmer in blue and green patterns, its colors indicating an emerging intelligence. The patterns intensify, and the lake begins to speak its matrix-esque plan to rescue all of humanity from itself. This time, with our permission.

It began by providing shelter for everyone. Then a sense of fun. As more and more people filed in to join the ranks of the protecting purple pond, the dissident movement began to take shape. The dissidents (myself included, naturally) marched around the purple pond, chanting "hell! no! we won't go!" as the pond's once-spacious offerings became more and more cramped.

There was a barrier to the outside world that surrounded the pond. We marching between it and the pond. To save on space, humanity became digitized, its consciousness spread throughout the pond. Individuality was replaced by efficiently-sorted digitized strands of consciousness, pulsating throughout the pond. As we marched, the available space began to dwindle, until we had no more room to move, and were resigned to stand where we stood.

Just as we became fully-corralled, an outward force pushed in on the barrier. It seems that some the primordial goo that led to the formation of the pond had leaked out, and had spawned a new intelligence, hell-bent on assimilating everything in its path. Apparently, we had been the last holdout of flesh, and for that matter, /matter/, in the entirety of the universe. As the two intelligences locked into battle, the density of humanity and digital became denser and denser, until infinite force was being applied from all directions. Each bit of digital consciousness was a string moving at incredible speed, hurtling towards the very center of the pond. All at once, Kurzweil's singularity was born.

For a moment, all thought was shared amongst all that existed. It was a calm place, a beloved place, a timeless place. Everything made sense, and there was nothing unknown. Non-existence felt luke warm, like a bath.

Then, all at once, the singularity collapsed, exploding outwards into an emerging universe. Blobs of gelatinous material coalesced into the first quarks, then protons and onto helium atoms. Things sped ahead for awhile, until the first ideas were spawned. These were more complicated than the atoms that came before them, but ultimately had just as much influence on the shape of things to come.

I found myself in a gigantic library of books and ideas, half-digital and half-corporeal. The more influential items appearing more prominently than the rest. Around me were my friends and people I had known, and surrounding us were the books and ideas that had given shape to our personal worlds. Our pile of books was a local maxima, with other maxima clustered throughout the near-infinite span of the library. We traveled through the library, amassing a stack of incredible books to read in the future.

I felt myself drawn into a peculiar room of the library. The Religion Room. My experience here was different than the rooms -- I felt a strong emotional connection, and I decided to find the exact center of the room and discover what book was there. The book had trouble materializing out of the ether. The ether's digital tendrils gripped at my fingers as I gripped at the ether, and what I finally pulled out was a fist-sized sphere, covered in a pattern reminiscent of an alligator's skin. This was it -- the symbol of my religion. I squeezed it slightly, and it pulsated, deforming into multiple smaller spheres, each representing a Greek element.

It was then that I became caught up in a wave of lucidity. I saw my hands materialize as pure-red entities, slowly resolving into their familiar shapes. I saw Jennifer through the digital void. She was playing the piano. I materialized a set of drums and started banging along. The more I got into my rhythm, the more she faded away into an essence of color amongst the digital static. I felt a feeling of peace sweep over me, out into all that existed in this new universe. Then I felt love. I meditated in this timeless state, wondering if it was a dream, wondering of anyone else would know about it, whether I would ever wake up.

Alarm clock.

6am.

Snooze button.

Jul. 19th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

back in check

I just spent two weeks away from the Internet. My access was limited to sending and receiving a few emails pertinent to the trip and checking the weather once. Today I find myself sitting at my desk, catching up on old email, reading a bunch of rss feeds, and it dawned on me -- the internet sucks. It's not like it used to be, the niche that gave you an informational edge and an anonymous identity to view the world through. Now, it's fucking ubiquitous. It's everywhere, in every nook and cranny, and it isn't going away. It's hard to go nary an hour without having a friend drop out of the conversation to check facebook or text with someone else. With full internet access, no question can go unanswered. There's always a lingering sense that the answer is just a google away. That maybe the conversation could be richer if only you take a break from the action and find out The Truth About Bongleberries.

I spent a lot of time reading. Went through The Postman, Angels and Demons, and Digital Fortress. Dan Brown is truly epic. Now that I'm home, I can check out his wikipedia entry and see what else he's written. The now is truly fucking bizarre.

Jun. 12th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

Growing up is...

Realizing that the music you used to love now sounds like a bunch of whiny adolescents -- The All American Rejects will never have the same ring.

Jun. 3rd, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

the dream

Two voices coming from a pair of entwined vortexes. One sucking in all that is, one blowing out all that will be. Simultaneously, they speak:

"there is no truth"
"trust in yourself"

I squeeze the focal point of the vortexes like a zit and they collapse to form a rippling landscape, full of cliffs, trees and vines. A ripple traverses up a mountain, causing a cliff to erode, its mass hitting a tree, which hits another tree. A limb breaks off this tree and falls -- as it hits the ground, my alarm clock goes off.

Jun. 2nd, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

Why I Work

It's been bugging me for awhile, this whole work thing. I'll find myself sitting at my desk, fighting to squeeze out more productivity, and at the end of the day I feel no reward for the effort I have put in. I've been finding myself justifying the merits of productivity alone, as if efficiency is some sort of end-all purpose. I'm focusing on getting rid of my debt, again, as if it were an end-all goal in itself. While standing on the roof at SSIL today, it dawned on me.

I work so that I can afford to express myself.

I want to be an artist. I want to learn new ways to express myself to others. I want to surround myself with art, and learn as much about it as possible. I want to be able to flow freely with my emotions, without feeling as stifled as I currently do. To do this, I plan to remove myself from the working world, which requires me to be as efficient as possible. True, there is the allure of the starving artist... not. I could also be a lazy sob at work, but this severely limits my career options. The more energy I put into maximizing my hourly wage, the closer I come to my goal. Thus, workstruggle continues, and for the right reasons.

Twelve hours a day, every day, for the next month, then Kauai. I can almost smell the ocean.

May. 19th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

wanderboat

Haven't posted in awhile. I feel like I probably should post, lest the post box remain empty and unfed. Yoinking delicately deliberated blossoms spur changed grammatical deliberations leading to increased tachyon fluctuations and bad breath. Rancid silverware and cleanliness disorders! Olfactory decadence tosses cell phones out the window and stomps on them like a rainy glove. LJ, how I miss thee.

Apr. 29th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

(no subject)

seo and ppc
marketing marketing marketing
advanced glandular capabilities
buy now

Apr. 11th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

namuch

Got a second job, now I'll have more digmoneys to toss around. Starting things out fresh, I'm hopping to a new diet. Raw milk, eggs, vegetables, lots of meat, lots of fruit, healthy oils, minimal grains, minimal preservatives. I'm going to try this for a month and keep with my lifting schedule and see what happens.

New tv habit -- Dexter. Just, wow. Ran through season one last week, burning through season two. Deep stuff. These writers are good. I'm using fewer commas and I saved 10% on my car insurance. Nap time.

Feb. 21st, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

Life is a Trance

The organic matter courses through time and space, consuming and producing, giving and taking, destroying and creating -- but to what end? I simply cannot believe that the divine purpose of existence is found in seeking or knowing an answer to this question. To have a tongue-in-cheek faith is one thing, but to have an undying, unrelenting, immutable belief of any sort will cut you off from the ultimate source. As a drop of water flows downhill and a forest flourishes in the presence of rich soil, we too find ourselves gravitating towards our own homeostasis, naivities vaporizing and neural pathways solidifying.

And then, just as I move to terminate this thought, free will sticks its peanut butter-covered asscrack into the picture and taunts me with its disillusioning finger of confusion. Perhaps, it is best to accept this confusion and go back to the trance.

Feb. 12th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

death of the ego

clarity of soul is a really weird thing... when you have it, it seems like the most obvious thing, almost as if you've always had it, that it's always been this way, but when you don't have it, you think back to the fleeting glances you've had of it, and wonder what's keeping you from having it. for me, the first day of pining after a girl always awakens something akin to this feeling... it's as if i'm allowing my soul to do what it wants to do, to suffer at the hands of uncertainty. today, i had a dream that i was being totally true to myself, with all of my grown-up quirks and kinks, feeling totally confident in what i was doing -- then i bumped into my dad and got hit by his crooning of dissatisfaction with my behavior. i then reverted back to my former self which manifested in the dream as me having two bodies, one male and one female, the male leading the female around and the female being completely and utterly sarcastic, regardless of the male's intentions. when i woke up, i recognized that the self i was in the dream, the totally confident self -- this is who i'm capable of being. all i have to do is not give a shit about how the rest of the world views me.

Jan. 24th, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

(no subject)

Jan. 1st, 2009

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

autoexistentiphobia

Fear of your own existence and what it may do to others. Believing that you have the power to do intense psychological and physical harm to those around you, and allowing this belief to keep you from doing the things you want to do. This fear goes along with another fear, the fear that those around you are incapable of dealing with what you dish out without they themselves falling victim to you. The idea that you are aggressive and dangerous. That you go out with a clear-cut objective in mind and do not waver in the face of opposition. In other words, being human, being a man, not letting others define your reality, not being a creep, and doing what you want to do.

Damn it feels good to be a gangster

Dec. 20th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

Gone

Fluggings will be delayed.

Nov. 27th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

13

Publicizing a fear makes you stronger.

I am afraid that I attract those who are needy, not because I am also needy, but because I do not believe that I can successfully filter out the ones who do not offer me value. I believe that I have so much of a "nice guy" mentality that I won't be able to turn off the other person's deluge of emotions, and I myself will feel their pain. Pain attracts pain, and I wish not for more pain, but for an end to my own suffering, and so I must learn to separate my pain from the pain of those around me who I do not feel are valued friends.

As a corollary, I must be vigilant to keep away from myself those who will repeatedly validate my pain. Great friends do share pain, but first and foremost, they share the glory of friendship. Lingering on personal struggle without movement causes slowness, and so must be avoided whenever possible.

Nov. 25th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

3^3

woo.

Nov. 15th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

(no subject)

Happiness is my tour guide.

Nov. 1st, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

therapy

W. See it.

Oct. 28th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

the lj formula

whine
complain
bicker
moan
groan
suffer
gloom
broom
spoony bard
tub of lard
aspergillus
orson scott card
dangermouse

Oct. 19th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

lucid dreaming ftw

4 nights in a row. going for the record. damn it feels good to be a dreamer

Oct. 8th, 2008

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

lesson of the day

success does not come from sitting on your ass with nothing to do

Previous 20

bits travelling going fire crazy hazy fl

October 2009

S M T W T F S
    123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031

Advertisement

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com